"Hello, stranger."

pornography in the office

2009-12-21T15:49:19Z

i'd always thought it was sort of an urban legend or something.
but today while i was editing photos for some of my evergreen packages, my colleague left the speakers to his computer on.
"the best place for the best porn..."
"men love p******"
"live webcam chats all day.."
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oh. my. goodness. how freaking embarrassing is that?
the worst part is he wasn't at his desk so the audio was damn loud and it went on for like a whole minute.
all of us around his desk were cringing and giving each other what the hell looks.
when he came back, he was completely clueless about what just happened because no one said a word about it.
everyone just pretended nothing happened.
but i really can't help thinking of him as a porn-surfing creep from now on.
yes, all guys probably do it, but it's kinda icky to think that your colleague is watching that stuff while at work.
or maybe it's really normal and i'm just being naive.

ballet most effectively perpetuates the thin ideal

2009-12-20T01:49:21Z

Caught the Singapore Dance Theatre's staging of Swan Lake on Friday night with a very sporting bf.
The sets and costumes were gorgeous and Rosa Park was immaculate as Odette.
Her technique is amazing and she was so stunning that the minute she came on stage you couldn't take your eyes off of her.
Feel pretty inspired to pick up yoga and whip myself into shape for ballet lessons again.
But at the rate I'm consuming huge buffet meals this Christmas week,
i think the only thing that's going to be whipped is the cream on top of my desserts. sighh.

i left my heart in wat preah yesu

2009-12-19T13:33:47Z

Say hi to Sert and Neng, the sweetest kids i've ever met.

Sert is the older brother and he's eleven this year.
I've never seen a kid so protective of his 4-year-old sister.
Both of them are HIV positive and Neng in particular has a pretty bad case of open sores all over her body and on her scalp, which is why her hair has to be constantly shaven so the wounds can be treated.
her lips are dry and cracked and her nose bleeds frequently. And yet, she never shows any sign of pain or suffering.
I still hear her laughter in my head.
It really broke my heart to leave them. I couldn't for the life of me understand why anyone would abandon such beautiful children.
But then Wendy mentioned that most of the time, these kids get left behind at the children's hospital either because their parents can't afford to keep them or they've already passed away from AIDS.
Can't seem to stop thinking about the two of them and wondering how they're doing.
Looks like a trip back there to visit is definitely on the cards.

back from the land of red dust

2009-12-17T23:30:04Z

Finally home from Siem Reap after nine fantastic days in Cambodia.
I don't think i am the same person that left more than a week ago.
Am already missing the kids, the bumpy tuktuk rides that left our mouths filled with sand, the lunches of watery vegetable soup at the orphanage, the daily dose of ice-cream, the best carbonara ever, the ice cold sugar cane they sold on the streets, the walks at night, the 50 cent beers and 1 dollar tacos.
Before the trip, when i thought about orphanages, bleak, dark dormitory-like buildings came to mind.
But Tim and Wendy ran it beautifully. They bought a piece of land in the outskirts of the city where they built houses for the kids to live in with their house parents.
There was so much space for the kids to run around in and play, and they seemed so carefree next to the children here who grow up within the confines of their homes in front of Playstation sets and computers.
The children were beautiful, both inside and out. But more on that another day when i get the pictures sorted out.
We spent our fourth day there at the Ankor Wat and it was a stunning sight at sunrise.
I'm really hoping to return with a camera after doing some research about the history of its different temples.
On top of that, we also visited the Ankor Children's Hospital that I'm pretty keen to volunteer at or raise funds for, fascinating wet markets and the Noon-Night Market where they sold amazing chocolate banana pancakes for 1000 riel (25 cents).
But something that really hits you there is the lack of deep culture as featured so prominently amongst its other Southeast Asian counterparts like Vietnam or Thailand.
The Khmer Rouge put an end to that by killing off nearly 1/4 of the population and leaving the rest without an identity.
Cambodian history is fascinating and i'm hoping to visit the museums in Pnom Penh next time round.
In the meantime, i'm reading up on the Pol Pot regime to understand how the genocide of 1.7 million people went unchecked and unstopped.
it is a duty to understand evil so we can recognise it again when it looks us in the eye.
will post the pictures as soon as i get them!

waiting for sam the tuktuk driver

2009-12-10T06:33:54Z

Typing on mary's new iPhone in this amazing icecream place called Blue Pumpkin in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Having watermelon sorbet as we're waiting for our ride to the orphanage. Lunch was simple Khmer fare with Amok, Cambodian pork curry, stir fried morning glory and steamed rice. All for 4 bucks! We visited the Ankor Children's Hospital in the morning and then the wet market which was fascinating but more on that next time! We've got candy for the kids and Sam our driver is here! Gotta run!

allaying criticism or hostility

2009-12-06T16:11:08Z

Bearing the flag of young love drenched in fresh defeat,
he wears frivolity as an armour over starched shirts
and drinks from paper cups of black courage.
the colourful verses are inviting but futile;
like droplets of cold rain clinging hopelessly onto the smooth glass windows.

A Story Of The Image

2009-11-28T07:43:40Z

Here are some of my favourite pieces from A Story of The Image - an exhibition combining a collection of historical and contemporary artworks from Antwerp that invites us to see the invisible stories of the Image, beyond the visible.

The simplicity of the first piece, titled "Park", caught my eye. When looking at it from up close, it was difficult to comprehend.
But once i took a couple of steps back, i realised that it depicted a walk in a park on a winter's day.
What i found particularly beautiful was the perspective. The angle of the painting suggested that one had his/her head bowed low against the cold to achieve such an effect, transporting the viewer right to the very scene. genius, really.

The second, is titled "Slight Delight" by Marlene Dumas. It was fascinating but even though the provocative nature of the female nude should strike you first, what hit me instantly was the assertive, challenging expression on her face. It almost makes you feel uneasy, threatened.
The piece is beautiful in its being seductive yet confrontational.

The third, aptly titled "Choices", was of particular relevance to me because of the Sociology of Food course i'm taking this semester.
The problem of too many choices is epitomised in this picture of a familiar situation we are all confronted with in supermarket.
Too many choices, or a complete lack thereof? There is more than meets the eye both in an image, as in the choices we are confronted with on a daily basis.

Last but not least, my favourite piece - "In Flanders' Fields" by Berlinde de Brucykere.
Possibly inspired by John McCrae's 1915 World War One poem of the same name, featured are life-sized sculptures of the contorted corpses of horses that have died in battle. The horses are faceless, which to me depicts how in war, death comes not with glory but ends in anonymity.
One corpse is the same as another in the aftermath of a battle, humans and animals alike.
Being cast in the harsh white lighting of a clean, almost clinical looking room provides a stark contrast, adding to the horror and violence of the battle scene.
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I love how museums are spaces for us to think. To reflect on and consider what we are, and make sense of things for ourselves. it's a great feeling. I'd highly recommend viewing the exhibits without a museum guide first to develop your own insights into the pieces before finding out their proposed interpretations.
After that, top off the visit with some reallly good coffee and conversation at the museum's Novus cafe for a beautiful, inspiring afternoon.

my companion at three a.m.

2009-11-23T18:32:25Z

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taking a break from the social psychology textbook to introduce all of you to the cutest ham ever.
hamlyn (named after an actual person, i kid you not) came to the bf and i in a paperbag in March.
we'd bought some pens and keychains off an ex-convict who was selling them as part of the yellow ribbon project.
and she was his gift to us in return.
apparently our precious hamster had escaped from a house/petshop in Tampines and was scurrying around the train station where she was caught.
here she is with her favourite vegetable biscuit that tastes like baby food. (yes i tried it)
she is incredibly feisty and it took ages to tame her. but i swear she is a genius hamster.
lovelovelove.

like a shoebox of photographs and sepiatone lovin'

2009-11-21T09:17:41Z

the first roll of film is out!
so the two of us went around taking photos of the beautiful churches around Bugis, museums and in Fort Canning Park that day. (thanks for being so accommodating and spontaneous dear)
sadly, i have a long way to go before i become remotely skilled at taking photos with a lomo.
my single shots all ended up being multiple exposure and the effects turned out pretty cool even though it was an accident.
practice makes perfect. i'm gonna head back and try again after the exams are over.
hopefully in time for Cambodia so we can snap gorgeous photos of the kids!
will scan and share the photos when i stop feeling like such a camera-idiot.

say hello to my new baby

2009-11-17T05:58:44Z

mega impulse buy.
It was incredibly random but on the way to school today i just had this really strange urge to photograph something.
I'd always admired the beautiful pictures people take with SLRs but somehow can't seem to identify with digital photography despite its many advantages.
going digital is great for editing and storage but i really love working with film.
there's an old beauty about the unpredictability of analog cameras, just letting the camera work its magic.
the Diana dated back to the 60s, hence its gorgeous retro feel.
the mini remake boasts soft & dreamy images, super-saturated colors, unpredictable blurring, and random contrast.
with multiple exposures, half frames, overlapping frames and long time night exposures.
roy and mabs put it together and it's following me everywhere now.
just can't wait to get started! (:

The secret to a happy marriage?

2009-11-03T02:22:59Z

Marry a younger woman who's smarter than you.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8325579.stm

Your cravings could tell you how you feel

2009-10-22T15:45:13Z

According to US psychotherapist Cynthia Power,

We crave savoury treats like cheese and crackers when we feel confused and frustrated,
starchy pasta or noodles when we feel lonely,
crunchy, salty potato chips when stressed,
meat when suppressing feelings of anger,
and smooth ice-creams and custards when we need comforting.

I wouldn't take the study too seriously given that it came right out of a women's magazine, but it seems pretty accurate when i think about it.
Trashy mags are love sometimes.

from Sylvia Plath's 'The Bell Jar'

2009-10-20T14:39:47Z

Apart from being brilliant in drawing one into the mind of a suicidal, depressed woman, Plath offers an interesting view on a number of issues:

On misogynists:
"I could tell Marcos was a woman-hater because in spite of all the models and TV starlets in the room that night he paid attention to no one but me. Not out of kindness or even curiosity, but because i'd happened to be dealt to him, like a playing card in a pack of identical cards"

It's entirely possible that the men who despise women most are not those that treat certain women badly but men who regard one woman as no different from another.
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On neuroticism:
"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."

There seems to be much truth in this. People who are even slightly neurotic tend to want two very mutually exclusive things at once, which is impossible of course. Perhaps one may even speculate that neuroticism is the root of all depressive tendencies.
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And on lesbianism:
"What does a woman see in a woman that she can't see in a man?"
Doctor Nolan paused, then she said, "Tenderness."
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They say 'The Bell Jar' is a semi-autobiography of Plath's own depression and suicide (where she gassed herself to death over an oven with her children safe in another part of the house).
Morbid, yes. But she never ceases to be fascinating.

A foray into the dark side

2009-10-13T18:34:49Z

It looks like there's just no escaping the mundanity of Business modules.

Prof M: What's the point of a job, Ben?
Ben: Umm..
Prof M: It's simple, why do you have a job?
Ben: Umm..I.. To make money?
Prof M: That's right! It's all about the money.

Another ridiculous mantra the Professor repeated to us in class today:
"What's the value in doing something good if nobody knows?"
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I don't know about most people, but there's something vaguely stomach-turning about all this.
I keep getting this feeling that when he looks at our impressionable young minds, all he sees is a fat paycheck.
Add to that blatant favouritism, a huge ego and a disgustingly cut-throat class environment,
he really makes my Tuesday mornings somewhat nauseating; a blot on an otherwise perfectly pleasant
week.

The wrath of God?

2009-09-30T14:07:24Z

I didn't know it at the time, but what i thought was my brain going wonky was in fact tremors from the Indonesian earthquake.
it scared me for a bit because i swear i saw the walls shake and the hanging lights move.
I can't begin to imagine what it's like to actually be there and have your house crumble before your eyes.
Typhoons in the Philippines, floods in Cambodia and Vietnam, earthquakes in Taiwan.. all over the last couple of weeks.
it's so amazing how perfect a location Singapore is in the whirlwind of natural disaster.

The Death of Sardanapalus

2009-09-28T10:22:33Z

The Death of Sardanapalus by Eugene Delacroix

This19th century painting fascinates me.
Sardanapalus, the last king of Assyria, is depicted as watching apathetically as his worldy possessions are destroyed.
He orders all his concubines killed and possessions decimated once he learns of his military defeat.
He then sets himself on fire.
Painted in the era of Romanticism, the women are all lusciously portrayed, with the focus of the piece being a nude concubine prostrating before an indifferent Sardanapalus.

This scene of destruction comes across as vaguely erotic amongst other things.
Yet somehow, I can't quite put my finger on what makes it so.
Maybe it's the character Sardanapalus not wanting his enemies to 'have' his possessions (concubines among them) if he was not going to be the master of them in his death.
There is also the whole element of the subjugation of women to the whims and fancies of a fallen king.
Which brings me to a question that has baffled me for some time now;
What is it about agression and violence toward women that seem to define eroticism in art and literature from centuries ago till today?
Even most modern-day pornography depict degrading acts of submission to men by women.
I doubt it is as simple as a question of demand and supply.
This is something ingrained deeply into the human psyche that i find difficult to pinpoint.

How very disturbing.

Behind every successful man...

2009-09-28T08:24:51Z

Not many people know of the muse behind the works of British philosopher and economist John Stuart Mill.
Harriet Taylor was a philosopher and human rights advocate who held radical feminist views.
She was attracted to Mill because he was the first man she had met who treated her as an intellectual equal.
Mill was equally impressed with Taylor's views and asked her to read and comment on the latest book he was working on.
The two soon became very close friends and eventually married.

In his autobiography, Mill claimed that Harriet was the joint author of most of the books and articles that were published under his name.
He added,

"when two persons have their thoughts and speculations completely in common it is of little consequence in respect of the question of originality, which of them holds the pen."
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Apart from it being a beautiful love story, it's also a perfect example of how men who respect women as intellectual equals have so much more to gain. Ego isn't everything. Haha.

Frogs in a well

2009-09-22T07:02:06Z

It really pains me to hear others say Singaporeans live a "diminished existence" in our political apathy.
Probably because part of me believes it's true.
That there is whole other world out there we will never be exposed to living under this - what should we call it - 'benevolent authoritarian regime'.
(What ever happened to the romantic ideal of participation in Athenian democracy, flawed as it was?)

Those of us who have lived outside this country know how short-changed we are.
They return with their horizons broadened, with a new hope for change, only to be met with a brick wall.
The rest of us either don't care because we truly have no idea what we're missing out on,
or watch as the rest of the world paint history in vivid colour while we sit helplessly and allow our decisions to be made for us.

People on the other side of the world are killing each other over ideas, and we have ours served to us on a plate.
And we wonder why great thinkers and artists rarely emerge here.

Foreigners criticise Singaporeans for being too simple-minded, apathetic and unthinking.
I resent that, but the claims are not entirely untrue.

What is the real price of absolute order in society?

"Between being loved and feared, I have always believed Machiavelli was right. If nobody is afraid of me, I'm meaningless." - LKY, Oct 6, 1997

There is no place for fear and coercion in a true democracy. New times call for change.
The encouragement of political participation can do so much more for the minds of a people than having a high literacy rate. It gives our thought dimension, meaning, and most importantly, purpose.
People are speaking out, so it would seem there is hope yet. It's only a matter of time.
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Interesting paper on S'pore politics and LKY by Uri Gordon of Tel-Aviv University, Israel.
http://www.singapore-window.org/sw00/000614ug.htm

Living proof of the Halo Effect

2009-09-21T08:19:41Z

Tall, dark, ridiculously handsome with cheekbones cut like glass.
It is nearly criminal that people this good-looking are hired to be professors.
One almost does not realise that he does not speak well, or hesitates to answer the questions that are thrown his way.
You see, he can do no wrong.
Even as he backs down from a debate with a shrug and a joke, people forget that he failed to defend his argument
but instead, remember how funny the weak joke was.
We all fall prey to this - giving beautiful people the benefit of the doubt no matter how undeserved.

It really can't hurt to be gorgeous.

There's always time for political satire

2009-08-31T18:06:08Z

Breaking News: Biden catches a grasshopper.
Says he shall hug it and pet it and love it and name it George.

WTF HAHAHAHAHH

Someone posted this on political_macro. Totally childish, i know.
But it was probably the only thing keeping me sane from the dull digital media readings in the dead of night.

Warm and fuzzy

2009-08-30T15:14:11Z

Spent pretty much the whole weekend bundled up in bed with what felt like a sledgehammer in my brain and a throat infection.
Don't usually like being fussed over much, prefer it when i'm left alone on a bad day.
But somehow, having someone press cold towels to my forehead, accompany me to the doctor's, force awful antibiotics down my throat with cold water and tucking me in doesn't feel too bad at all.
(a dose of Jean-Pierre Jeunet's Amelie definitely helps)

The weekend is strangely bittersweet.

Robo-brain (please don't sue me)

2009-08-28T09:22:51Z

"I think it was dangerous to allow such highfalutin ideas to go un-demolished and mislead Singapore"

MM Lee (in response to NMP Viswa Sadasivan's controversial comments in parliamentary debate about racial equality in Singapore)

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Does anyone else think that there's something highly incredible/scary about an 86-year-old man throwing up words like 'highfalutin' from off the top of his head? Seriously, most people will never find out the word exists in their lifetime.

For the curious, I've included the merriam-webster definition of the word:

Main Entry: high·fa·lu·tin
Variant(s): also hi·fa·lu·tin \ˌhī-fə-ˈlü-t^ən\
Function: adjective
Etymology: perhaps from ²high + alteration of fluting, present participle of flute
Date: 1839

1 : pretentious, fancy
2 : expressed in or marked by the use of high-flown bombastic language : pompous
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Seems to me that NMP Sadasivan is not the only one who's all Mr. Fancy Pants here.

The ingredients that make a psychopathic killer

2009-08-19T05:58:06Z

Ever wondered what made serial murderers like Charles Manson, Robert Pickton and John Wayne Gacy tick?

In a nutshell, from Jim Fallon's talk on TED:

Three main factors are involved - Genes, environment, brain damage
And based on the timing of the interaction of the three (in terms of developmental age), a psychopathic murderer can surface.
How?
Firstly , the high-risk gene we are talking about in this case is the MAOA violence gene that is passed down from mothers. Which is why mostly men are psychopathic killers since women have XX chromosomes in which the MAOA gene is diluted with an X chromosome from dad.
Also, if there are abnormally high levels of seratonin in the mother's body during pregnancy, it might result in more violent tendencies in children. Which is highly ironic since seratonin is supposed to induce feelings of calm and relaxation. The reason being that the embryo, after bathing in seratonin for 9 months, becomes immune to its own body's secretion of seratonin when developed. Fascinating.

The next condition is that the psychopathic murderer usually suffers some form of brain damage to the orbital cortex of his/her brain.
The table below shows a comparison between the damaged brains of murderers and that of regular people.

And lastly, the child usually suffers some form of violent emotional trauma before he/she hits puberty, causing full psychopathic murderer tendencies to surface.
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Which really makes me wonder if people are ever completely to blame for their crimes.

Perhaps that is why we are taught compassion, even for the worst of us.
Or people we dismiss as monsters.

Send Away The Tigers

2009-08-19T04:33:34Z

Utterly random, but spent a school night with the girls and lazy jungle cats at the Night Safari yesterday.
the entire place smelled like kerosene from the torches and Tiff and i were being total idiots taking cover from the fruit bats that were swooping around.
flying squirrels are really cute, my grape slushie was a tad too sweet, bats are freaky, tigers and leopards sleep 20 hours a day, giraffes 10 minutes, you can make quills out of porcupine spines and an elephant produces up to 90 kilos of dung everyday. The zookeepers must really love their jobs.

Skinny Pizza at Suntec is wicked awesome!
Usually i think skinny anything is just awful. but the food is good and the portions are great.

I've finally managed to secure contract work after the internship, so yay, extra dough to eat and shop can't be all bad.

Past and present

2009-08-18T09:43:51Z

School is swarming with yet another new batch of wide-eyed, enthusiastic freshmen.
Unnerving, how the boys were previous schoolmates.
Now, they struggle to make out the difference between SRs and CRs and freak out about presentations.
It didn't seem so long ago that we were just there, eager to find our place.
We don't notice the clock ticking, but we see the faces change.
And suddenly, the times are not ours anymore.

But it's not so bad.
We all had our fun.
Now we have to make the choices that count.